Stop trying to force other people to do what you want them to do. Let them theory is going to allow you to detach yourselves from a lot of things that cause struggle, angst and emotion to come up when you get controlling. Let them theory also allows you to let go of the reins and give space for other people to take responsibility. Let them theory is incredible because when you let somebody just be who they actually are and you stop trying to make something else you realize in so many friendships and relationships, you actually are in love with the potential.
Whenever you tip into the control mode, imagine that you’re in a tiny boat and you’re paddling upstream. It’s hard to paddle against the current. That is what it feels like when you’re controlling other people or you’re trying to control them. When you catch yourself doing it, you’re fighting against that current. You must let go and surrender and visualize, just hand off the oars and drop them. Let the boat float naturally downstream, which creates peace and ease for you.
We don’t even notice how much energy and time and effort we waste in that controlling mode. Controlling other people is also a form of stress and anxiety that we overburden ourselves with. Why we end up controlling others is because it helps us distract ourselves from the truth.
Three times when you shouldn’t be using let them theory
1. When someone is doing something dangerous or they’re discriminating against you. Don’t let them do that.
2. If you are in a situation in which you’re going to ask what you need or advocate yourself. Don’t let somebody just decide those things.
3. If somebody is continuously crossing your boundaries. Don’t let them do that. You need to hold your boundaries.
Now let’s move to specific ways, where you can start using let them theory to bring more peace and control back in your life.
1. Use the let them theory to detach yourself from the emotional or mental struggle that you get yourself into.
2. Use let them theory to give people the room to grow, the room to learn and the room to take their personal responsibility for something in their life. You really need to take a step back and you’re going to let people fail. Every time you rescue somebody, you rob them of the opportunity to grow. Every time you step in and you make the problem go away, you make the person a little weaker and more dependent on you.
3. Let the people in your life be who they are. Let them be themselves. When you give people freedom to be themselves, you’ll see who they really are.
4. Let people have their opinions and emotions. Let’s say you and your best friend have started to grow apart, maybe one of you moved away, or you’ve got your schools changed. The patterns of your lives have started to change. Hence your relationship started to change. You still care about each other but you don’t see each other that often and your friend comes to you and says I feel like you’ve changed. I feel like I’m not important anymore. You’re so busy with your stuff. Let them have those feelings. You don’t need to control what they think. One of the greatest acts of generosity and love that a human being can give to other human beings is to just listen to what somebody’s story is, to witness somebody’s feelings and to validate it.
The let them theory allows you to see other people’s emotional distress and have them feel it. And let you off the hook from rescuing them and for being responsible for it. When you give people the gift of freedom, you get the gift yourself. The peace and the ease in your life.